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29th November 2003

11:11am: What the hell is going on here?!
So I came home one day [private]with presents[/private] and heard someone was coming, so I hid in the closet, and it turns out it was Madison and Ephram. And they were talking about me, or so it sounded. And then I started getting confused when they started talking about how I wouldn't even know about something, and then I figured it out. They were fooling around! So I managed to burst my way out of the closet after having some trouble with the lock, and lo and behold, there they were on the couch!

Well, as you can tell, I was shocked and angered by this, and I showed it. I gave the two of them one last chance. But then it all blew up in my face. Madison quit and then both Delia and Ephram were mad at me.

That is, until I caved and let Madison come back and said the two of them could date. This may be the worst mistake of Ephram's teenage years, but I had to let him make it himself.

Something else happened this week. I kissed Linda Abbott for the very first time. And it was great. :)


22nd November 2003

12:23pm: Love can make you weak...
I feel bad that it didn't work out for Justin and that girl he liked, but I'm glad that I could help. I hope him and her can still be good friends.

You know, love is a very funny thing. It can be very complicated, but it's almost never simple, or easy for that matter. There's always something that will be in the way, or make it hard, or not work at all.


Like with me and Linda. I really like her, and she likes me too. But I found out that she has HIV, and so she doesn't want to get close to me. And maybe that would be the right thing to do, but it wouldn't be the best thing to do. I really like her. I haven't felt this way for.. I don't know how long. And I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose her.


Ephram got sick this week, but thank goodness Me, Delia, or Madison didn't catch it. :) And it seems like Ephram and Madison may finally be getting along like decent human beings. Guess we don't have to worry about Ephram firing her again, do we? Just kidding. ;D


8th November 2003

12:18pm: Halloween
I know this is a bit late, but I wanted to mention that Halloween went alright this year. I took Delia out trick-or-treating and Ephram stayed home while we were gone and gave out candy.

You got a lot of candy, Delia. Mind sharing a bit with your old Dad? ;D Eat it slowly, you don't want to get a sick stomach. And don't forget to brush your teeth afterwards. Wouldn't want you to get cavities! ;)

12:08pm: No black lung for Dr. Brown!
That mine experience was pretty frightening. I don't think I'd ever been in a mine before that. It was so dark, and black everywhere. And the air was terrible. And I had to work under dire circumstances. Thank god Harold, Linda, and Edna were there. And thanks, Harold, for convincing me that I could do it. I would've been lost without you three.

I don't know how coal miners do it. I honestly don't. They toil day to day in those cold dark mines. It's amazing. They have such courage.

And that lighthouse is going to be a great beacon of hope in the middle of Everwood. What a great idea. :)

Current Mood: accomplished

21st October 2003

2:49pm: Inspiration
It's hard not to be inspired by Rev. Keyes and his bravery, and his unfaltering faith. Just think of all he's faced, and it makes our own problems seem so small. And gives us hope that if a man can lose his sight and still see the silver lining, then maybe we can make it through, too.

I want to thank the Keyes for letting me marry them, it truly was an honour. I know you'll be very happy together.

And Ephram, congratulations on passing your drivers test! That's excellent! :)


18th October 2003

1:20pm: I can understand that Delia would be upset by me being friends with Linda Abbott. I mean, she's just a little girl, and she's probably afraid that Linda will replace her mother. But she won't. Nobody could replace Julia.

I hope Delia's okay now.

Linda, sorry I brushed off your technics at first. I guess I just like to be right all the time.


7th October 2003

2:12pm: So I hired a babysitter for Delia. I thought maybe it would be good. I thought maybe it would make it so Ephram could get more important work done, like with his homework and piano. But he didn't really go for it. In fact, he fired her. I had to hire her back. And then later when we were arguing, she came downstairs and had a go at the both of us, and I nearly fired her myself. But now that I think of it, she made some good points. And besides, Delia likes her. So Madison stays.

I'm sorry, Nina. It was wrong of me to ignore you and your problems. I know you're having a difficult time, and you just need an ear every once in a while. I'll try to be that ear from now on.


23rd September 2003

11:03am: Ephram's Computer Virus
I don't know why Ephram doesn't want to use my computer, it's not defective or anything, Ephram.

Oh, Ephram's computer isn't working.

Delia uses my computer, Ephram.

It could take a while before I figure out how to get the virus off his computer. How did you get a virus anyways, Ephram?

11:00am: Delia, Ephram, be happy the way you are. Cosmetic surgery isn't really worth it.

I don't know who that man from Julliard thinks he is telling Ephram he's not a brilliant pianist. He's one of the most talented people I've ever known. And you know coming from me that that's a hell of a compliment! ;)

And Ephram, if you want to go to a piano school, you go for it and work your butt off. Don't you dare let anybody discourage you.


18th September 2003

1:00pm: Well, Ephram's driving is coming along. I'm still a bit unsure of him driving on his own. Don't want him to get into an accident. But we'll work on it, and before you know it, Ephram, you'll have your drivers license.

I think my cooking is getting better, too. I'm actually starting to make edible food. Now all I have to do is convince Ephram to taste-test it. :)

Fall's almost here. I wonder when Ephram will start thinking about what colleges he wants to apply to? I'm sure he could get into a good one.


16th September 2003

12:51pm: I'm sorry
What can I say? What is there to say? Did I kill Colin Hart? No, not exactly. Was it an accident? Not really. Did I save him from pain and suffering that would have plagued him and his family and friends after the surgery? I think I did. I hope I did.

I'm sorry that he's gone, he was a good patient, and a strong soul. I didn't go into that surgery knowing that he would be dead by the end of it. I went into it hoping that I could help him. Maybe I didn't do all that I could, but I gave it my best shot, and I knew that he would've wanted it this way, and not him being hooked up to machines until finally his parents would have to have made the decision I made. I only acted as he had wanted me to.

But if people want to be mad with me, I can understand that. They need someone to blame. And why not me?

I just wanted to say how sorry I am to his family and friends.


20th May 2003

12:08pm: Should I or shouldn't I?
I went with Delia and Ephram to see my old medical school professor Dr. Donald Douglas. He didn't exactly give me confidence about performing Colin's operation. But I'm going to perform it anyways. I owe it to the Harts, I owe it to the Abbotts, I owe it to Colin, and I owe it to Everwood.

While I was away on my roadtrip with Ephram and Delia, I realised that I never told Ephram why we moved to Everwood. So I told him. He said that it would've made the year easier if I had just told him that from the beginning. I told him that it wasn't supposed to be easy.

I have to go prepare for the surgery.

Current Mood: nervous

13th May 2003

10:18am: Hard times
This week and last week have been some of the hardest times of my life. First, a girl came to me wanting an abortion, and I couldn't help her.

Then, this week something happened that was pretty much all my fault. Irv was going to go out to a cabin by the lake for a while, Edna was worried about him (afterall, he did have a heart attack just a few weeks ago) so I decided I'd come along to make sure nothing happened to him.

Like an idiot I forced Ephram to come along only to lock him up to do homework (I really thought I was doing the right thing, too). I went out for a walk and when I came back, Irv told me that Ephram had taken the boat out. I was suddenly struck with worry, like I was hit over the head with a very blunt instrument. Ephram's never been in a motorboat before, let alone by himself.

We waited an hour or so for him to come back (Irv's idea), and then decided to go out and look for him. We borrowed a boat and went out in the dark cold night.

We found him. My god, he was floating in the water shivering, he was nowhere near the boat and had suffered a blow to the head. I wanted so badly to swim out and save him, but I can't swim, and so Irv saved him.

I wanted so much to be able to save him. But I couldn't.

Well, at least he's save and sound, back in Everwood. It could've been much worse.

But it could have been much better. I was wrong, Ephram. I know that now, and I'm sorry. Just please, never do that again.


(OOC: P.S. I'm temporarily getting the WB, so that's how I managed to see this weeks episode. Not sure what's happening next week, though.)
Current Mood: thankful

4th May 2003

2:23pm: Ephram's Recital
Ephram's recital went well. I was really impressed, he's really becoming a great pianist. I hope he knows that.

That was the first recital of his that I ever went to. I feel bad for missing all of his other ones, but I'm grateful that I've got the chance to see every one in the future. And then maybe not a recital, but an actual concert.

No pressure, though, Ephram. :)

And if you change your mind and want another piano teacher, just tell me and I'll find you one.
A better one than the last one.


1st May 2003

9:53am: Shall we discuss last week?
I thought it would be fun to have all this attention on me again, but it turned out to be kind of annoying in the end. A reporter following you everywhere, knowing everything.

Like when I found out that Delia wasn't at that shrimpy kid from her school's house, and I had to go get her at the museum. He ended up knowing about that (okay, so I told him). He must think that I'm a bad father. Not that I care what he thinks anyways. Ephram's opinion of me matters more than some New York reporters.

Next time I'll call to make sure.
And Delia, please don't do that again, honey. You scared Daddy.


(OOC: p.s. the reason why I'm talking about stuff from last week is because I'm a week behind in the episodes thanks to CTV. So just bare with me, here. Thanks.)

15th April 2003

10:48am: Conflicting feelings
Should I ask Nina to help me learn how to cook? No, she's too busy taking care of Sam.

But he could come over and play with Delia.

But she's too busy with Mama Joy's diner.

But Ephram and Delia would be so proud of me if I could make something other than toast!

But Nina has better things to do with her time than teach me how to cook!

But how else can I learn properly?

*sigh* Ephram's right, I'm hopeless.


p.s. maybe we have more cook books I could look at...
Current Mood: frustrated

1st April 2003

11:01am: I have to admit, I've had plenty of time to think about this Colin Hart situation, and I just wish so much that the Hart's hadn't decided that I wouldn't be Colin's doctor anymore. I think Harold was right to be concerned. He may've just been suffering from a stomach flu or something, but it could also be complications with his recovery from the sugery. And I would like to know about that and supervise his treatment. Afterall, I did perform the sugery.

But then I can't do much not being his doctor, can I? I know they want to help Colin move on and everything, but he can't move on if he's sick, can he?

Current Mood: disappointed
10:46am: Grocery shopping
I went grocery shopping with Delia this morning. came to a total of $193.97. Why must they tax poptarts? And why must we get so many microwavable dinners? And why must we always eat out or order from Gino Chang's? I know you kids don't like my cooking, but this is kind of ridiculous. Maybe I should take up cooking lessons. Or at least try to read a cook book properly.

Current Mood: drained

27th March 2003

4:44pm: Uh oh!
I was checking my medical supplies today and I realised that I'm running low. I guess I'll just have to order some more.

And I think I'm going to subscribe to more magazines for the office waiting room, I've noticed some people aren't taking very much interest in Gardener's Weekly Digest.

Now, what to make for dinner? We have some of that meatloaf Ephram made last night left over, we could have meatloaf sandwiches!


22nd March 2003

3:55pm: Spring!
Well, the snow's melting and uncovering the muddy brown grass. Don't you love Spring? The birds chirping in the morning when I wake up, the sun shinning, it makes me smile.

I don't see how you couldn't be happy in Spring. It's such a cheerful season! A nice change from the cold and harsh weather of winter. But I guess living in Colorado, I'm going to have to get used to that, eh? *chuckles*

It's getting so nice out that I think that I might take Ephram and Delia out for a picnic if they want. It might be fun. I could pack fresh fruit and berries, sandwiches, anything you kids want. How about it?

Current Mood: cheerful

18th March 2003

2:34pm: I went to Mama Joy's diner yesterday, it was all decked out for St. Patricks Day. It got me thinking, should I have decorated my office?

Ephram has a piano recital next month, I think. It's next month, right, Ephram? Isn't it on April 28th?

Oh, and I recently read an article on the internet about how some doctors link repressing your feelings, like anger, with getting diseases. I don't think me or Ephram have to worry about that.


11th March 2003

12:35pm: Parents mistakes, partner's mistakes
I had to do something that broke my heart to do. I had to tell Ephram about Julia's affair. I didn't want to, honest to god, if there had been any other way, I wouldn't have ever let him find out. But I had no choice. And it kills me to have had to tell him about it.

It wasn't her fault. I was never around. It was my fault she felt she had to turn to another man for companionship. I was so blind to not see that. I should've lavished undying adoration on her like she deserved, but I didn't. And for that I feel like a fool.

I just hope Ephram can forgive her, and forgive me.


22nd February 2003

12:59pm: Oh yes, and the mystery!
So me and Harold solved the mystery of the 30 year olf murder. I must admit, I felt a bit like Sherlock Holmes or perhaps Dr. Watson. Maybe Harold was Holmes and I was Watson. Anyways, we found out the truth, and that's what really matters.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck with this flu. It's getting better. Should be gone by Monday or even earlier. Thank god. :)

12:13pm: My dear beloved one, gone away forever...
This week is the anniversary of Julia's death. I'm going to take Ephram and Delia to New York for it. Let's hope it all goes smoothly. It will be very upsetting for us all, I hope we can get through it together.

Current Mood: worried

18th February 2003

2:12pm: For Julia.
Dear Valentine, Come away with me. If I had a day with you and you only I would enjoy the simple things, the things that in the end when time steals the rest away are the only things we'll remember. I would paddle you across a still lake in a row boat. And read poetry to you until you fall asleep. And I would never count the hours.

Dear Valentine, If I had one day with you and you only I would admire every line of your face, every strand of your hair, every graceful movement of your hands or your eyes or your body. If I had one perfect day- Don't you see? My heart beats only for you.

Dear Valentine, These are the things I remember of my love. A warm hand your warm breath your warm mouth your arms around mine, I remember feeling safe, ceaseless, like one person. The two of us still at rest. Entwined. I remember how I felt the first time I kissed you. It felt like the high dive. What do you remember? How will I ever know what was inside your heart. Where do they go, all the things we think and feel but don't say.

Dear Valentine, These are the things I never told you. These are things I need you to know. That I loved you always. And my love was so big it lives still after your gone. I'd like to tell you that I would do it differently. That if I had one more day I would do everything right. But, I know that isn't true. I'd make all the same mistakes. That is, except one- I wouldn't say goodbye.

Current Mood: sad
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